6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
