my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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