btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
