There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Never underestimate the power of titties
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