There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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