There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
