you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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