Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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