i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
