Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
