So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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