your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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