I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
