I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
