And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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