hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
