I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
