You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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