totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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