Can i not drive my cunt home
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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