textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
