dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize