i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
