Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
