This is not my ceiling
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
