how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize