I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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