I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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