Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
