Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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