I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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