His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Randomize
