you traded sex for a burrito?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
