i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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