a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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