Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
try to milk me bitch
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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