How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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