you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
