non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
