you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
In America we eat man semen.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
