You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Life is so much better after having sex.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize