and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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