and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
