I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
