Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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