i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
