her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
