He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
