Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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