Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
