Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
