i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
