I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
