but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
