We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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