This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize