my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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