i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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