I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
