textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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