I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
