You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
