I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
