On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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