Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
These tits shall not be calmed
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Text me some of your sweat
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