Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
