I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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