Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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