Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
