8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My liver is preforming stress tests.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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