I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
The Olympian is in my bed
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
