He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
