Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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