He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
