what if every blade of grass was a penis?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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