This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
